all i have to do is...

Today was bad. Bad, bad, lunatic bad. The impending full moon has made everyone I have come in contact with fucking crazy. Tell me you didn’t have a bad day and I will call you a liar. Our bodies are more than half water and the moon pulls at us like some crazy tidal wave of emotion. I’m telling you, that honest everyday good natured people have their claws out tonight. So BEWARE.

I’ve laughed it off. I ate salad when I wanted a cheeseburger and I’ve held my tongue all day. At one point we were driving all around town looking for a place to eat and everyone was closed by 7:30pm. I know it’s a weekday but damn. No noodles, no barbeque or any of the fine eats that only a payday Thursday can bring, just a salad and, you can’t win friends with salad.

A (dare I say) protégé of mine sent me his new work and it was such a fine piece I had to smile. It’s a good thing to get away from the city, even if it is to another city. It’s a good thing to suffer for a while but have a warm sack and a good meal to look forward to instead of beating the streets looking for a cig butt or a paper sack to kill the boredom. Everyone should be homeless for a while. I lived in a car for a month, myself. Sadly the years of a constant roof over my head has made me soft and forgetful. I apologized for being such an ass to the kid. That’s what he is, a kid, and the streets made him stressed beyond belief and I forgot what it was like taking a bath in a gas station sink. I forgot, and well how in the hell could I?

My thoughts are wandering tonight. I don’t promise anything out of this hot mess. I promised myself I would write every day, and I already broke that promise. I was thinking about you, sweet blog. I promise that. Sometimes the only way you can fully make the most out of the daily mundane is to dream about who or what you love. Today when my husband picked me up from work, we drove in our broken down car on the highway overpass reaching up to the soft clouds in the blue blue beautiful sky with smog and exhaust, but it was beautiful all the same. He said he had been thinking about me and how beautiful I was the night before when we danced together to the conjunto music. It was a great night. We danced and danced and so you think about these things when the car won’t start or the rain comes down on you and you forgot your umbrella, or the insides of your sandwich fall out to the ground or you break your last cigarette in your purse. (all of these things happening to me today) You even close your eyes after some particularly rude person tries to undermine or blame you for something wrong you didn’t do, and remember the swaying rhythm of his body next to yours, the faint scent of beer on his mustache as he kisses you dizzy and you laugh and laugh.

Some days you love and love and love until your heart bursts and all you can do is smile, even when the world and all its really minute problems are trying to pull you away from your daydreams. I say, never give up. All you have are dreams to fill your pillows with and love to keep you dreaming.